Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Sept. 24, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 131 of therefore.am., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … … on today’s show … what’s the best cure for the hurricane blues? Humor. Hey, you know what they say, you’ve got to laugh to keep from drowning.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6014720.html

Then, a panhandler at a bus stop shoots a man who doesn’t give her change, after he told her to “get a job.” Hey, looks like she’s got a job, dude, Chief Operating Officer of busting a cap in your ass.
Can you spare some change? No? Blam! Blam!
http://www.kcra.com/news/17533330/detail.html

Plus, in Australia, an angry pig holds a woman hostage, demanding $10,000 in unmarked bills, free passage to Brazil, and the immediate release of 8,000 pounds of bacon.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/09/23/2371562.htm

And finally, skydivers are preparing to jump over Mount Everest next week, as soon as they can find some Mountain Dew with a freezing point under -65 C.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080923/od_nm/us_everest_skydive

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s MUTATION RELATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other — Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

Here are those last two items:

SURFING THE WEBSTER’S
montane: adj. designating a cool, moist ecological zone usually located near the timberline and usually dominated by evergreen trees

COMMON RELATION QUOTATION
“I like that little Down syndrome kid. One of them lives down the street. “

Thanks for joining us.

You think, Therefore a.m.

Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Sept. 23, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 130 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show … macro-addiction meets micro-addictions, a criminal adds a fuel surcharge to his drug deliveries.

Plus, is your birthday coming up? Where you gonna go? Free Disney World!

Then, reason No. 1,455,612 to have the Internet … what what these guy do to a passed-out fan at a Mets game:

And finally, a new study says people are reluctant to pull out coupons because they fear it makes them look “cheap.” Like my mother told 10-year-old me when I was called “fatso” for getting two ice-cream cones for the price of one: “No, they’re just jealous.”

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s CIRCULATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other — Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

Thanks for joining us.

Remember, you think, Therefore a.m.

Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Sept. 17, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 128 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show you know how journalists can sometimes “bury the lead”? well, now you can digest it thanks to a new toaster … we report, you digest on wheat or rye.

http://www.reghardware.co.uk/2008/09/11/wacky_toaster/

Then, an official in Uganda has decided to ban miniskirts beccause they cause civic disruptions. In other news, the rest of the world has decided to ban Uganda for the same reason.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7621823.stm

Plus, British police catch and fine a driver 50 pounds for being asleep at the wheel. Good for them. The last thing we need is sleepy drivers on the road. Wait, what? She was parked the whole time?
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/61884/Driver-fined-50-for-car-park-nap

And finally, can’t get enough of Jerry Seinfeld in those quirky Bill Gates commericials? Well, Seinfeld is off the campaign. Feel free to voice your displeasure by e-mailing Microsoft, assuming you’ve solved all of your Vista’s driver issues.
http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/09/17/its-over-for-seinfeld-but-crispin-porter-keeps-microsoft-business/

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s INAUGURATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other –Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

Here are those last two items:

SURFING THE WEBSTER’S
twee

INAUGURATION QUOTATION
“All dreaded it, all sought to avert it.”
Again, thanks for joining us. You think, Therefore a.m.

Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Sept. 17, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 127 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show … a city in Israel is using DNA to catch dog-poop scofflaws, in a new police division called: CSI: Canine Crap Unit
http://uk.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUKLG37942520080916

Then, an upside-down rainbow appears over Cambridge, England. And at the end of it? A giant orange leprechaun that will steal your gold.
http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/cn_news_home/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=349193

Plus, a Canadian student helps find largest prime number: Is it bigger than 7?
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080916.wprime0916/BNStory/National/home

And finally, an Italian model ups the ante on the going rate for virginity-taking, looking for a million Euros. Didn’t Andy Warhol say something about in the future, everyone will be a whore for 15 minutes?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/2971511/Italian-model-plans-to-sell-virginity-for-1m-euros.html

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s COMMEMORATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other — Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

Here are those last two items:

SURFING THE WEBSTER’S

sedulous
adj. 1. working hard and steadily; diligent. 2. constant; persistent
(Latin, orig., “without guile”)

COMMEMORATION QUOTATION

“Frankly, I think it would be an embarrassment to the Italian-American community.”
http://www.philly.com/dailynews/local/20080916_Columbus_Day_fete_facing_ax_.html
Thanks so much for joining us.

You think, Therefore a.m.

Here’s the introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Sept. 16, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 125 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show … screw the information superhighway, Google may take to the high seas to avoid property taxes.
http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/the_web/article4753389.ece

Then, a news story puts a publsiher in jail in Africa, just because the country’s president didn’t like it. Sort of makes you wonder who had the guts to report THIS story!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7613382.stm

Plus, a new study says British cabbies have the organic equivalent of a GPS system in their heads. That, and a complete anthology of “why the French suck” jokes.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7613621.stm

And finally, here’s an atom-smashing collider head trip for you: Are we now in an alternate universe? We’ll discuss, and you’ll agree. Unless you’re part of that wrong universe that will fail to exist if we go back to the old one. In which case, you opinion is academic, at best.
http://starbulletin.com/2008/09/15/features/brandao.html

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and does his HOSPITALIZATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other, Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

Here are those last two items:

SURFING THE WEBSTER’S: fantasticate

HOSPITALIZATION QUOTATION: “He knew in getting out he was going to sustain a serious injury, and in the end he broke his own leg to avoid drowning.”
http://www.theage.com.au/national/kayaker-forced-to-break-leg-20080915-4gxm.html

Thanks again for joining us.

You think, Therefore a.m.

Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Sept. 11, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 124 of therefore.am., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show … criminals abscond with an entire radio tower in Winber, Pa., setting a new … wait for it … “gold standard” for precious metal thieves.
http://www.wjactv.com/news/17432092/detail.html

(CURT) Then, times are tough, but at least one British science team is ready to hire a plumber … to fix pipes in the Antarctic where the average tempterature is -20 C. Why don’t they just call Roto Rooter? Those guys will go anywhere anytime for the right price.
http://newslite.tv/2008/09/08/plumber-wanted-for-antarctic-c.html

Plus, Esquire’s 75th-anniversary issue takes a leap forward in publication design, with a 10-inch square screen flashing “The 21st Century Begins Now” on the cover. Nice try, but not quite. More like “the Early 21st Century Gimmick Begins Now.”
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/09/08/BUR012OVMO.DTL
VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EWb1zHIx38&eurl=http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=esquire&ie=UTF-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=

And finally, a Sacramento State grad has decided to try to pay for her post-graduate studies by selling her virginity. I thought nowadays virgins are such a dying breed they all got “free ride” scholarships, anyway? I won’t tell her if you don’t.
http://cbs13.com/watercooler/selling.virginity.tuition.2.814271.html

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s PRESSURIZATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other

And here are those last two items:

SURFING THE WEBSTER’S

parsec: really really really really really far (a unit of measure for interstellar space that is equal to 3.26 light-years and is the distance to an object having a parallax of one second as seen from points separated by one astronomical unit)

PRESSURIZATION QUOTATION

“Anything that happens outside the locker room will be outside the realm of football, that’s something that’s between him and his family and whoever’s handling that with him.”  –  NFL center Kevin Mawae on his quarterback, Vince Young of the Tennessee Titans

Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Aug. 18, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 115 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … it’s followup Monday … on today’s show … The latest from the Guns N’ Roses “Chinese Democracy” album hunt … rumors are the band has signed an exclusive deal with a big-box retailer to sell their long, long, long awaited album. Trying to imagine Axl in Walmart … “pickup on aisle 7,8,9 and 14 through 23.”
http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSN1529368720080816?feedType=RSS&feedName=entertainmentNews&rpc=22&sp=true

Then, in these hard economic times, medals are getting more precious every day. In the UK, thousands of drain covers have been reported missing, presumably sold for scrap. Where’s an epic Benny Hill pratfall skit when you need one?
http://uk.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUKLE4440220080814

Plus, also in the UK, new driving laws going into effect treat careless drivers on cell phones the same way as careless drivers eating or careless drivers putting on makeup … they throw the same book at ‘em. Why, that’s so fair, it just might work!
http://uk.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUKLF71459720080818

And finally, that so-called Bigfoot in a freezer, turns out the DNA tests came back as human, and opossum. Ummm, sounds like my Uncle Thibideaux who lives in a swamp outside Lafayette after Saturday night roadkill gumbo.
http://www.paloaltodailynews.com/article/2008-8-16-bigfoot

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s RETALIATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other — Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

You think, Therefore a.m.

Join us live at Talk Shoe or download the podcast at digitalslob.com.

Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Aug. 15, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 114 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show … Brimingham England accidentally put Birmingham, Ala., on its city’s promotional pamphlet. Yet another entry for our upcoming reality show pilot, “When Google Image Searches Go Bad.”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/7560392.stm

Plus, a court bans a British man from his girlfriend’s apartment because neighbors complain about the loud sex, part of the UK’s new Envy-based zoning laws.
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,24184797-5013110,00.html

Then, introducing the Winglet, Toyota’s answer to the Segway human transporter. Hey, the Segway never caught on guys, so I’m thinking that was sort of a rhetorical question?
http://www.autocar.co.uk/News/NewsArticle/AllCars/234327/

And finally, its seem increasingly girls as young as 8 are going to spas for bikini waxes. Is there really a pair of talk show hosts more qualified to discuss this issue at length other than Jeff and I? I don’t think so.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26182276/

All this, plus URFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s INSTIGATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other — Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

You think, Therefore a.m.

Join us at Talk Shoe, midnight Hawaii time (6 a.m. East Coast USA)

Here’s today’s introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Aug. 14, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 113 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show … L.A. orders home-improvement stores to build day-labor shelters for people hanging out to get handy-man jobs. “Will work for food. Will congregate for potable water.”
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-homedepot14-2008aug14,0,4167886.story

Then, it looks like Oprah will stay in the cheap(er) seats at the Democratic Convention and during Obama’s Mile High Stadium speech, because it’s “his moment.” On a side note, Therefore a.m. will also refuse the limelight in Denver because of our total lack of hubris. Please show your support of our total lack of hubris by visiting digitalslob.com.
http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/08/oprah_winfrey_not_starring_at.html

Plus, some boys in California claim to have a real bigfoot carcass and will present DNA evidence tomorrow. “I think you’ll find that this is the real deal,” said publicist Robert Barrows, who’s credibility blow-up countdown is now at t-minus 36 hours and counting.
http://www.ktvu.com/news/17174989/detail.html

And finally, the “Piddler on the Roof” has turned himself in. New Zealand’s long national nightmare is finally over.
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24173790-13762,00.html

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s DENOMINATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other — Therefore a.m.!

(end intro)

You think, Therefore a.m.

Here’s the introduction:

Aloha, it’s just barely Aug. 13, 2008, in Hawaii, and welcome to episode 112 of Therefore a.m., the morning talk show that treats you like you’re already awake … on today’s show … who says the New York Times is a pompous news outlet that never admits it makes a mistake? Turns out, it got an actor’s name wrong … 48 years ago. Man, they’re second to last to only to the Catholic Church for mea culpa turnaround time.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article4514049.ece

Then, a neighborhood in a small town in Arkansas is under a 24-hour curfew. Um, I think they call that a lockdown, mayor.
http://www.wxvt.com/Global/story.asp?S=8818645&nav=menu1344_2

Plus, a woman is tossed from a mall because of a too-sexy dress, that she bought at the mall.
http://www.mahalo.com/Kymberly_Clem

And finally, a court reduces the compensation a rape victim has coming to her because she was drunk when she was assaulted.
http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_story/0,3566,402111,00.html

All this, plus SURFING THE WEBSTER’S and today’s RETARDATION QUOTATION, all coming up, on the only podcast where night persons and day persons can actually understand each other — Therefore a.m.

(end intro)

Thanks again.

You think, Therefore a.m.